Casino Joke

What are vampires playing poker for? What do I do? He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but the second half of his round-trip ticket — If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. What card game do lesbians play? I just spend the money first.

17. Professional Gambler Screws Everyone In The Bar

Q & A Bingo Jokes

A bum asks a man for a dollar. How do you make a small fortune out of betting on the pokies? Start with a large fortune. I just won a million bucks on blackjack! Two bored, male casino dealers are waiting for someone to come try their luck at their craps table. Finally, a beautiful young woman comes in wanting to bet ten grand on a single roll of the dice. An ex writes a letter to the man she cheated on for years before dumping him at the altar: All the love in the world, Susan xoxoxxoxooxox PS.

In a casino, you really mean it! I thought you said you were a gambling man? How do you get a professional poker player to get off your front porch? Pay him for the pizza. A dog is man's best friend, especially after you lose money on a horse. My cat quit playing poker with the big cats at the zoo If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and can't tell who the sucker is, it's you.

Gambling Quotes Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. Steven Wright Poker is like sex - everyone thinks they're the best, but most people don't have a clue what they're doing. Dutch Boyd If you're playing a poker game and look around the table and can't tell who the sucker is, it's you Paul Newman. When a man with money meets a man with experience, the man with experience leaves with money and the man with money leaves with experience.

ME Trust everyone, but always cut the cards. The week flew by and they all had a great time. After they returned home and the men went back to work, they sat around at break and discussed their vacation. The first guy says "I don't think I'll ever do that again! I just won a million dollar slot machine jackpot! Just so long as you're out of the house by noon! One night she decided to try not to wake him. She undressed in the living room and, put her purse over her shoulder, and tiptoed nude into the bedroom, but was surprised to find her husband sitting up in bed reading.

Upon taking a closer look he sees a dog sitting at the table. This peaks his curiousity and he walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the dog. Then the next hand is dealt and cards are dealt to the dog. Then the dog acts in turn with all the other players, calling, raising, discarding, everything the other human players were doing.

However none of the other players seemed to pay any mind to the fact that they were playing with a dog, they just treated him like any other player. Finally the man could not longer hold his tongue so between hands he quietly said to one of the players, "I can't believe that dog is playing poker, he must be the smartest dog in the world!

Click Here to Bookmark Jokes4us. I got a full house and four people died. Steven Wright Poker is like sex - everyone thinks they're the best, but most people don't have a clue what they're doing.

Dutch Boyd If you're playing a poker game and look around the table and can't tell who the sucker is, it's you Paul Newman. When a man with money meets a man with experience, the man with experience leaves with money and the man with money leaves with experience. ME Trust everyone, but always cut the cards. I heard some gambling jokes, one about a guy who goes into a casino and sees a sign that reads: When they answered he says, "I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What do I do?

At the psychology university the teacher that just finished a long lecture about mental health wanted to do a quick oral quiz for the students. The course was about the manic depression so the question of the teacher was: What diagnose would you give to a person that sits quietly and minds his own business calmly and after that all of a sudden it start swearing the next minute all over the place? The answer coming from a young student that just raised her hand was: I found myself in a pub in Cork, Ireland.

A group of American tourists came in. One of the Americans said, in a loud voice, "I hear you Irish think you're great drinkers. No one took up the bet.

Where did you go? An older gentleman is stopped by the police around 2 a. The man replies, "I am on my way to attend a lecture about gambling, hookers, alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying out late.

Top 10 best jokes about gambling